I am a quitter.

My fridge most closely resembles the blind loner. Interesting...

picture show here

Holy Greatness

This new job is going to make me Hard.

Judge me better

Winter Gloves- Invisible

This plant won't die. It keeps landing on it's feet.

Return to shit fountain

Located outside a private residence in Wicker Park, we just couldn't help ourselves.

Letters from Parents

I recently received an envelope from my father re tax info. Enclosed was this notable photograph from the Great Depression. Apparently, this is his way of telling me to be more mindful of my finances. Either that or things have gone way south at the homestead.

Updates: Rubbish

Evidence of my "thing" for trash. New Year's 2008. I received this photo (among several disgusting others) from a mysterious email 3 weeks after my trip to NYC. Apparently someone among the group was sober enough to remember how to spell my last name.

Sidenote: I have inadvertently revisited this trash can on every subsequent visit. It's located outside the Flatiron building.

What is the appeal for rollerbladers here in Chicago? Other than the lakeshore path, where else can you break into a stride? I am sick of watching you struggle across pot hole ridden side streets. I am embarrassed for you.

Summer to-do list

I am really torn about visiting this place. It could be fun; I could get gang-banged.

Either way, I get a hot dog. Let's put it on the to-do list.

Celebrity watch

I saw this woman in St. Marteen- the French side of course, everyone is all crazy over there. Some oafish divorcee was fawning all over her and these giant tats! Apparently she is some sort of celebrity. 

Rubbish!

I may have been a slightly eccentric child. This article reminds me of an 8th grade research paper I wrote entirely about trash. Here comes the eccentric part: I still think it's interesting.

 

Pretty sure I saw a blood diamond at Jewel in Lincoln Park today.

GENIUS

I am really into this idea. In fact, this may be the future of my career as a therapist.

http://www.botjunkie.com/2008/04/10/paro-robot-therapy-seal-just-wants-your-love/

I am also seriously considering adopting an aging Japanese man. Or maybe I could just make him my pen-pal.

Pure Truth

I am going to make my own Pure Michigan commercial. Only mine will be about meth, guns, and tanning salons. 

Me Time

I may have underestimated the entertainment value of my dollhouse before I abandoned it in the basement. Maybe I should go back and retrieve it. 

Napz

Studying up for my internship at the methadone clinic.

Seasonal Chicago

The train smelled like tons of stale, beer-soaked mustaches today. It must be baseball season.

Spring Fashion Preview

Bikini pants. 

Pigeon Graveyard

For me, looking at dead pigeons is just as irresistible as gawking at a car wreck or watching slasher movies. As much as it totally disgusts me, I just can't stop. What compels me to turn my head towards that flattened pigeon on the way to work each day? 

Cat skits never get old

I give Andy full credit for this.

The Miss America video is unbearable. I recommend the break dancer. Wait for the pensively reflective moment at the end.

Thursday is the new Friday

I saw very convincing evidence tonight that full moons may contribute to mental illness

Memory Lane

Potential dog names:

1. Nana

Oh YEAH

Food and tattoos, artfully rendered together. This is happening. 

Marvel at the Kool Aid man. 

More here

Street Meat

I have developed this fantasy of running my own street meat cart in Chicago. Well, more like a taco truck. Perhaps, I should start smaller- with dumplings, for example. 

Worth it?

Try not to be so self-conscious when you start emanating that rank Subway scent. There is a scientific explanation. But seriously, are people really this clueless about how to clean their clothes?

Constant whiffs of weird dough smell all day--> loss of productivity

Story Time

This story deserves some air time. I love bad dates, but I mostly just love talking about them. I have told the silly paper plate artist anecdote many times, but a man who wont stop talking about everything he wants to pee on...Awesome. I can't take credit for this one, but it's worth mentioning. I can only imagine where his mind was wandering during the course of this date: ice in the urinals, snow, camp fires, into your beer...

Psychic Predictions

Apparently I have to wait three more years until my "head is clear." Sweet... Isn't there medication for that.

Also, I have an enemy with dark hair. No surprise there-take a number.

Model Majority

If I see one more person half-concealing their mouth with this stupid Betty Boop hand gesture I am going to scream. Enough, seriously. It looks cute in your head, not all over Facebook.

Swears

Profanity may be for the weak minded, but I am still rooting for "wank" to make a sweeping  comeback.

Impulse Control

Quite possibly my favorite store ever. After all the hype/delays surrounding it's grand opening, Top Shop has finally landed in the U.S. I may just have to make a special trip over to NYC...don't judge me.

I will not be guilted into another Ohio visit this Easter

Fun with Food

How to make a hairy sausage, a la Valerie...

Step 1

Step 2

Ra Ra Riot

A plug for my college roommate and bff. I can't wait until you are famous and I can make $$ off these enumerable awkward college photos I have lying around. Yessss. Congrats Taryn!

Donut Contest

I have made several entries already, mostly under the alias(s) of other family members. (Sorry Stephen, you must claim ownership of that puppy chow donut). This is the future of donuts we are talking about!

Redeeming qualities for Twitter...BAKERY UPDATES!

Hot dogs: what's not to like?

Plants and Animals

Good stuff right here. This band satisfies several of my musical enjoyment requirements: melodious explosions, extended climaxes, and of course, whistling.

Their show at Schuba's last week was also pretty awesome.